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28

Mar

Love or Rage Which Would You Choose?

Posted in happiness, Life Challenges, Perfect Days, Personal Development, self esteem.
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Have you ever felt like you could self combust with rage?  I know I have.   When things just seem to keep going wrong?  Like the domino effect, one thing triggers the next…. Arrrggghhhh!

Once you find yourself sliding down this slippery pathway to a meltdown it seems the only thing to do is just keep on sliding, doesn’t it?  Saying “I knew that was going to happen”… and it usually does.

This is where things can change.  I can now do it, and I know you can too.

So what is ‘it’?  Well, ‘it’ is love.  Love is the greatest feeling of all wouldn’t you agree?  If you’re feeling love in your heart and body – is it possible to be in a rage at the same time?  I don’t think so.  They are at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, aren’t they?  You get what you focus on so choose carefully – happiness or anger/frustration?

Rather continuing down the path way to complete meltdown and rage try these 7 tips:

  1. STOP.  Take a moment to acknowledge how you are feeling and focus on your breathing.  Decide to take a few moments out for yourself. 
  2. Gain some perspective on the situation.  Is it really as you imagine/find it or is there another way of looking at it?  Could you be kinder to yourself in this moment than you are currently being?
  3. Depending on where you are or what your circumstance continue to focus on your breathing, close your eyes if it is safe to do so… imagine you are breathing in love, imagine seeing the beautiful colours of love being drawn towards you and circulating around your heart, maybe see butterflies and bubbles.
  4. Breathe out all the frustration. 
  5. Focus on a better feeling thought – love.  Perhaps someone you love and focus your thoughts on some of the qualities within that person or remember back to a time when you felt so happy, so full of laughter.  Focus on those thoughts for a few moments and allow yourself the time to refocus on positive feelings and thoughts. 
  6. Give yourself the gift of a smile and let go. 
  7. Relax your tense muscles and open your eyes to a more positive reality.

Quote of the day:  “For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” Author Unknown

Feeling like you could do with some support right now, drop me an email and let’s have a chat?

Wishing you so much happiness

Ali xx

Ali Soleil – Feminine Self Esteem Mentor

Fab Friends Network – www.fabfriendsnetwork.co.uk   Daring Damsels – www.daringdamsels.com   Facebook – www.facebook.com/DaringDamsels

Tagged 7 tips, ali soleil, anger, change, daring damsels, emotional spectrum, love, meltdown, Rage, self combust, self esteem | Comments (0)

29

Dec

My car has broken down and it’s ok…

Posted in happiness, Parenting, Personal Development, self esteem, Uncategorized.
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I watched my car being towed away this morning… The windscreen wipers stopped working on Christmas Eve so my plans were scuppered over Christmas to visit family and friends.  This morning with the garages re-opening I thought I’d take it to the main dealer as they may have the parts in stock… however, this morning my car wouldn’t even start so I had no choice but to get the rescue service to tow it to the garage (for which I am grateful ;) ).

The windscreen wipers seem such a trivial thing in many ways… two thin blades that swish across the screen and yet even when it’s not raining – prevent us from safely driving.  I had to cancel my plans to visit my family over Christmas and now it seems my New Year plans maybe scuppered.

When our cars work we tend to take them for granted, but when they don’t, it is then that we really appreciate how magical it is to have our own transport (after all I don’t know how they work!).

I think that is true of so much in life.  We can be so busy rushing here and there we don’t remember to take time to appreciate just how fortunate we are.  We may not have all the material things we’d like to have or the perfect health – but there will be something for all of us to be grateful for.  Perhaps having arms and legs that work? It may be having eyes to see your loved ones or ears to hear the birds singing?  May be having a strong connection with friends and family feels good to you?

When was the last time you stopped what you were doing to feel gratitude for all that you have and all that you experience?  When we choose to relax and feel gratitude, it changes our ‘state of being’; we become filled with a blissful feeling… and at that moment we cannot have negative emotions of fear or anger.  Love and fear cannot be felt at the same time. 

It’s so easy to change your emotional state – if you choose to.  If you have just had something not very nice happen or said to you, if you’ve had cross words with someone or feel like everything is going wrong take a moment to STOP. 

Take some deep breaths and feel some gratitude for what you do have or what you do love… if you’ve just fallen out with someone – think about the reasons you became friends with them or what they do that makes you laugh – or why you love them – choose to feel appreciation for something connected with them.  It’s about choice – choose to feel better – letting the anger or disappointment go.  Decide to put yourself back in control rather than a victim.  Ask yourself “do I want to stay feeling annoyed or would I rather feel ok, or even happy?”  We tend not to make good decisions when we’re angry or annoyed.   

My girls and I often start our day with a question ‘what am I grateful for?’  Often they say “it’s not raining so I won’t get wet walking to school” or “Ghd’s (hair straighteners)”… it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s heartfelt.   It can be a great way to start the day – something positive rather than pulling back the duvet and thinking… “ugh… it’s cold, I’ve got that horrible meeting today”…. having negative thoughts is so disempowering – wouldn’t you agree?

So I’m not sure when I’ll get my car back – but I’m going to choose to appreciate my friends for helping me, the public bus, the garage and the fact I can delay my New Year plans if I need to… I’m choosing to be ok with this unexpected adventure :) .

What are you grateful for?  What can you see or hear right now?  Think of a time when you felt really happy or bursting with laughter – what was that occasion?  Can you feel the feelings again?  How easy would it be for you to have this memory as something to draw on when you’re not feeling so good – a memory that can conjure up the good emotions?  Perhaps, find a piece of paper (or better still a notebook) and write down a list of what you are grateful for – you can then refer to this list daily – or when you feel the negative feelings creeping up on you.  We have choice, sometimes we forget – or don’t realise.  It’s so much better when we focus on what we want instead of what we don’t want.  As I blogged yesterday, sometimes our greatest growth comes from achieving what we think we cannot – consider what benefits may come from facing challenges more positively.  Life is supposed to be fun!  Let’s make it fun :)

Tagged achieve, anger, appreciation, being in control, challenge, choice, feeling good, gratitude, life choices, negative emotions, victim | Comments (2)
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